I Am Here, and I Belong

It is difficult for a parent to accept that they have a gay child. I should know.

When parents are present in a child’s life, they usually notice their child’s development and begin to realise when there is a difference. Every involved parent who has raised a child has, at some point, sensed the direction in which that child is growing.

Unfortunately, many parents refuse to acknowledge the true capabilities within their child. Instead, they only see what they have projected onto them and do their best to stifle any growth that develops against their wishes. This can happen amongst siblings as well.

It took me a long time to open up, to accept who I am, and to live my truth. Coming out to my family as a gay man was not intentional. I think they always knew, but the day I finally confirmed it still hit differently.

I do not think my parents were ready for me to stand my ground so confidently and acknowledge my true self.

Back in the day, as recorded somewhere in history, around 1994 or 1995, possibly around 21 October, something happened that changed everything. A letter appeared in the then widely read newspaper, published in the Letters to the Editor section. The title read, ‘Gay and Proud’. My name and address were printed for all to see.

I did not send that letter.

At the time, I must have been only sixteen years old. It was chaos.

I remember my father being the one to break the news to me. When he drove his truck into the yard, you could hear the anger in the engine. It was around 7am, and when my father was home at that hour, you knew something was wrong.

My world stopped. Faced with this sudden situation, I denied everything, and in all honesty, I truly had not sent that declaration.

I cried bitterly. Yes, this is me, but I did not make this public. I had to react quickly and deny it all, because at that time, saying yes felt like a death sentence, by anything available to destroy me. To this day, I still wonder who did this.

I remember my older brother taking me to the Bulawayo Chronicle offices, demanding to see the editor and to view the handwriting of the person who submitted the letter. Of course, we never got that, and life simply went on.

Today, I am finally out and proud to all my family members. Life is good. Yet somehow, the homophobia, the misunderstanding, the misdirection still surfaces within my parents and siblings. It hurts when I witness their actions, sometimes without them even realising what they are doing.

I see it every day. I see the homophobia in my closest family members. It is evident. God bless my parents and siblings, they do try.

But they cannot defeat me.

I am stronger and better than they know.

I am here, and I too belong.