I Hate No Man

We make mistakes.

Sometimes we say things we do not really mean. Sometimes we hurt people without intending to. And sometimes, what I may find offensive, another person may be completely comfortable with.

Perhaps that is one of the things I have learnt about life, that we do not all experience the world in the same way.

I grew up being told that who I am was a sin. That if I continued being myself, and if I continued to be who I was, I was destined for hell and those words stay with you.

When you grow up being told that something fundamental about you is wrong, you spend a great deal of time questioning yourself and you wonder whether you should change or whether you should hide, maybe become the person others believe you should be. But at some point, you have to decide how you are going to live and I live my life for me, and for what works for me.

That does not mean I believe everything I do is right. I make mistakes. I get things wrong. I have said things I wish I had said differently and I am still learning, just like everyone else, I also try not to judge the next person based solely on my own moral standing.

My values are mine and your values are yours. That does not mean we cannot disagree. It does not mean we should remain silent when we see someone walking towards something that may hurt them. I may highlight the possible pitfalls for the next man. I may offer an opinion if I believe it could help. But ultimately, I have learnt to keep to myself as best I can.

Each man to his own.

There is a certain freedom in accepting that I do not have to police another person's life. I do not have to make everyone see things the way I see them. I do not have to turn every disagreement into a battle over who is right and who is wrong as life is already complicated enough.

I know what it feels like to have someone else decide who you are or what you should believe, maybe that is why I am reluctant to do the same to someone else, I can disagree with you without hating you and I can question your choices without believing I am better than you. I can tell you what I think, and still leave you the freedom to decide what you do with it.

None of us gets through this life without making mistakes and none of us gets everything right, we would all be a little kinder if we remembered that and so I will live my life as honestly as I can and I will make mistakes, I will learn, and I will sometimes get things wrong

But I will try as best I can, to allow the next person the same grace.

Each man to his own

And,

I hate no man.

Who Gets to Define the Life We Should Live?

Growing up, I did not really have a relationship with my dad, and looking back, I sometimes think our family had its own natural structure. The first two were boys, and they seemed to get along. The next two were girls, and they paired up perfectly. And then there was me. I didn't fit neatly with either group. Perhaps that is why, from a young age, I learned to make sure my voice was heard, and sometimes, at all costs.

My dad was present, but somehow so very distant from me. He had time for my two other brothers in ways I noticed, even when time left little for anything else. I remember feeling like a stranger within my own family.

When you grow up feeling like you do not quite belong, you learn to retreat into yourself. You become your own company. You learn to keep certain things inside because explaining yourself can feel harder than simply remaining silent, but life has a way of teaching us.

I am older now, and I believe I know better. I know myself better. I know what I believe, what I value, what I can live with and, perhaps more importantly, what I cannot.

Life has certainly not been a walk in the park. There have been moments that have tested me, humbled me, and forced me to become stronger than I thought I could be, and somewhere along the way, I learned something, that my life is mine to live.
The choices I make are mine.
That does not mean I am always right, or that I cannot listen and learn.

There is a difference between genuine concern and someone trying to rewrite a reality they do not live. Sometimes, messages arrive from people you cannot identify, carrying stories about people and situations they know very little about, and it is tempting to react, and question or allow doubt to take root. But I have learned that not every voice deserves a place in our lives.

Respect goes a long way

Some connections between two people belong to those two people.
They deserve trust, privacy, and the freedom to find their own way without outside interference, and I will not live my life according to whispers.

I have spent enough of my life trying to find where I fit, and I am finally learning that I do not need to fit into someone's idea of who I should be.

I know who I am. I know what I value. And I know the people I choose to walk this journey with.

That should be enough.