A Quiet Kind of Loss
Today I felt lost. Not in a loud or dramatic way but in the quiet kind that settles in you and refuses to leave. It felt like regret but not really. More like the ache of being alone, even when you are not, a feeling of standing still whilst the world keeps moving and you are unsure of where you belong within it.
Faith and Fracture
When faith is part of your life the struggle can deepen because there are moments when the question of worth or purpose creeps in quietly and whispers.
It asks whether this part of life, the choices you make, the path you follow, is the reason for the pain, the loneliness, the suffering.
That question hurts more than any insult ever could.
It creates a fracture within. A pulling between belief and being. A tension where prayer feels complicated and silence feels loud. You want peace, but peace feels conditional, as though it must be earned.
The Loneliness No One Sees
There is a loneliness that comes from hiding, and another that comes from being visible. Both are exhausting. Even when surrounded by people, there are moments when you feel unseen, misunderstood, or quietly tolerated rather than fully accepted.
On days like this, the idea of belonging feels distant. You wonder if there is a place where all parts of you can exist without apology. Where faith does not require erasure, and living fully does not feel like a transgression.
Not Regret, But Weariness
This is not regret for who I am. It is weariness. Weariness from carrying questions that never seem to rest. From having to justify existence, belief, and love all at once.
Pain does not always come from wrongdoing. Sometimes it comes from living honestly in a world that resists truth. Sometimes suffering is not punishment, but the cost of being real.
Still Here
Even in this lostness, I am still here. Breathing even when belief feels fragile. There is something within me that refuses to disappear even when I feel broken.
Perhaps faith is not about having all the answers maybe it is about staying present in the questions and trusting that being lost does not mean being abandoned.
Today I felt lost, but I am still walking and for now, that is enough.
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