Learning Without a Map

No one hands you a book of instructions when you realise you are attracted to the same sex.

There is no quiet conversation preparing you for it. No roadmap and no checklist, just a slow awareness that begins privately, long before you have the courage to name it. 

As for me, I remember the confusion more than anything else. Not confusion about desire, but confusion about where I fit. The world around me seemed structured for everyone else.

Boys liked girls and girls liked boys and that was the script, that was the expectation.

That was the language spoken openly.

In the background I was learning a different language in silence.

In the heterosexual world, discovery is shared. Friends talk and parents anticipate, the media reflects their experiences back to them and there is guidance, even if awkward.

But when you are gay, especially young, you often navigate this world alone and you measure your words carefully.

You study people’s reactions before revealing anything real.

You ask yourself questions you are too afraid to ask out loud.

Who can I trust?

What will change if they know?

Will I still belong?

For many young gay people, there is no safe place to run with these questions and no older version of themselves to say, “You’re not broken.”

So you grow quietly.

It is also painful to admit that many gay boys are introduced to their identity through sexual exposure rather than emotional understanding. In the absence of guidance, secrecy pushes discovery into adult spaces too early.

When the first lessons are physical, it can create the impression that being gay is defined solely by sex and that narrow lens can be damaging. It leaves young boys believing that validation comes from desirability, that connection is measured in encounters, and that intimacy is secondary.

The tragedy is not sexuality itself but it is when sexuality becomes the only narrative available that sometimes your first emotional or physical encounters are shaped by secrecy rather than safety, and secrecy leaves marks.

Not because being gay is wrong, no. But because hiding something so central to who you are creates fear and there is a particular loneliness in becoming yourself behind closed doors.

You may find others like you — but even there, expectations exist. Different ideas of what being gay should look like. How it should be expressed. What it should mean. Sometimes belonging comes at the cost of authenticity.

Or you remain alone, trying to survive in a world that demands a version of you that does not feel true.

Truthfully, it can be tough being gay and not because of identity itself, but because of the isolation that can come with discovering it.

You wake up each day deciding how much of yourself the world is allowed to see.

And that decision is exhausting.

Yet in that isolation, something else forms.

Resilience and self-awareness become a quiet strength built from navigating conversations you never had and fears you learned to manage alone.

Discovering yourself without a map forces you to become your own guide and although the journey can feel lonely, it is also courageous even when no one sees it.

There is a Writer in My Garden.

A Place That Teaches Stillness.

Kirstenbosch Botanical Garden sits quietly on the eastern slopes of Table Mountain, held in place by beauty, history and stillness.

Akin and I have made it a purposeful habit to return there. It is one of those spaces that asks you to slow down, to look properly, to breathe more deeply. Walking through the gardens, surrounded by layers of green and with the vast mountain standing guard behind us, it feels impossible not to be present.

On our next visit, I plan to have a picnic. The thought lingers gently, stretched out on the grass, food unpacked slowly, with the magnificent view doing most of the talking. It is the kind of place where words would arrive easily and stories would surface without effort. The setting itself invites reflection.

With all this in mind, I found myself thinking about writing. About how memorable moments must be shared, and how history can only be preserved through the actions we choose to take today.

Decades of Story Telling.

I thought about Akin, and how for close to three decades he has been sharing his stories, the good, the bad, the weaknesses and the strengths.

There is a particular beauty in his ability to tell a story. It is never rushed or crowded, but shaped with detail in a way that allows anyone reading to step inside.

His writing does not assume knowledge or demand attention. It opens itself up, generous and clear, making space for understanding. That, to me, is a rare skill.

Being a writer is not only about putting words on a page. It is about seeing.

It is about noticing the small shifts, the pauses, the things others pass by. I believe a writer understands how to shape thought into something shared, how to translate complexity into something human. This is not learnt through practice alone, but carried instinctively.

Akin has that instinct. A natural gift. A quiet brilliance that does not announce itself, but reveals itself through precision, rhythm and depth. His technique feels effortless. Each sentence knows where it belongs, and each idea is given room to breathe.

As I imagine that picnic, sitting in the gardens beneath an open sky, I am reminded that it is a place rooted in growth, patience and careful tending, much like Akin's writings. 

Stories, like gardens, require attention, honesty and time. When nurtured well, they become spaces others can walk through and feel changed by.

Today, I celebrate that gift in him. The writer who does not simply tell stories, but builds them with care. The writer whose words invite you in, and quietly stay with you long after you have left the page.

Strength in Your Story

There’s a story behind every person, a reason they are the way they are, and knowing this, I don't judge anyone. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about, and their story made them.

Of the many things I’ve seen, heard, or tried. I have learned to embrace the struggle in this life. I’ve seen that the strongest people, even those I’ve come to know, have rarely had an easy path. They are like butterflies, living proof that you can endure great darkness and still emerge as something beautiful.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I like to cherish my time alone. I find my clarity in solitude. Love your solitude, it’s where you find yourself.  Those quiet moments are a gift, a space to reconnect with your very own heart and dreams.

If you ever feel stuck, just remember, starting over isn't a failure. It's a brave opportunity to build something better, from the ground up.

It’s the conscious choice to tread a path that’s no longer serving you for one you design yourself. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, or a forest growing anew after a fire, there is immense strength and renewal in a fresh start.

Don't be afraid of the blank canvas, only see it as a chance to paint a masterpiece.

My 30th Blog.

Hello 30! Lets keep it going.

It's not really a milestone to rave on about as I have written on so many other issues and topics that remain unpublished or worse may easily get deleted.

I do enjoy writing my thoughts down on everyday events and life issues and I think I will always be old school where I start my drafts with paper and pen rather than letting my fingers run all over the keyboard, again my keyboard skills are not too shabby I guess starting out on a typewriter back in the day has helped me a lot to some point.

There are stories and events I've written about (not published) that I feel I get a little too emotional where I have expressed strong views that even surprise myself, the bias clearly shows in these stories I would have written and so sometimes I just take step back and let all go.

I think in the coming weeks I am going to enjoy my blog page, It is going to be an interesting going forward as I have taken up a dare to publish more of what I write. 

So its time I get my pen paper ready, put on my eye glasses while remembering not to try and fit on other pair while I'm still wearing the other pair, who knows, maybe I'll be able to see better.  

I have stories to tell as this great adventure continues. 

A Journey of Continuous Learning in an ever Changing World.

I am reminded of my primary school days, after the school holiday breaks we would be required to write up compositions about what we did during the school break. Those who were fortunate enough to have been travelled out of the city or even the country, wrote fantastic stories while others, even though they wrote fictional stories still managed to use their imagination and write good stories. 

I always struggled to complete one paragraph, I found it difficult to transform my thoughts onto paper, as hard as I tried it was clear writing stories was not one of my strengths.

Over the course of my school days, I had a dream of becoming an author. Verbally I could tell good stories and I had a wild imagination, but the challenge of getting these words from my head on to paper seemed difficult. 

I enjoyed the school library and spent a lot of time exchanging books to read, I loved that feeling of being immersed into other worlds as different authors told their stories with such amazing brilliancy, some ceaselessly pushed the boundaries of their imagination, crafting worlds of intrigue, hope, and wisdom for us to immerse ourselves in.

Today, I am not that author I dreamt I could be and that's alright. In today's rapidly evolving world with advancements in technology we are able to craft our thoughts and ideas through various mediums.

A Journey Fuelled by Passion.

It was sometime in 2015 that I stumbled upon a website called Blogger. I had no idea what it was all about but curiosity got the better of me and I began to explore with interest what it was all about, it was an exciting discovery of this website.

Over a short period of time I lost interest in the website or maybe it was a case of allowing other distractions to take hold.

In 2019, I met Akin Akintayo, at the time of meeting him I had no idea that the earth, the stars, the planets, and the heavens were all in perfect alignment. About this, it will have to be a story for another day.

All About Passion.

Today, I want to write a blog that celebrates Akin, I want to celebrate his passion of sharing the stories about his life and world events around him. Today, I want to honor this remarkable man who has devoted himself to his passion of storytelling.

Akin continuously inspires everyone around him and it is clear that twenty years of blogging, is a twenty year journey of incredible writings.

Through his blogging we share his joys and pains, we share his successes, challenges, victories, and disappointments. Akin through his blogging shows us that pursuing our passions is the key to a fulfilling life, it is evident that his blogging is not a means to an end, but rather a labour of love.

His dedication is truly commendable and has driven him to achieving remarkable milestones throughout the years.

Perseverance, Passion, and Inspiration.

For all those we consider to be great in their craft, we know that in their journey they have met with their share of obstacles and moments of uncertainty, with Akin I have noticed that he has approached these hurdles with resilience and determination. 

Reading through most of his blogs it is easy to tell that he has transformed setbacks into stepping stones and has emerged stronger each time. 

The commitment to his blog, coupled with his unwavering passion, he is inspiring to everyone who has had the privilege to be following on his blog page.

Most times passion is often the fuel that drives ordinary people to achieve extraordinary feats.

Akin's years of dedication to his blogging is truly remarkable and commendable.

I read some where that the truest measure of success lies not only in personal achievements but in the ability to inspire others to pursue their dreams too.

Akin has undoubtedly through his blogs become a catalyst for inspiration and an encouragement to countless individuals to dive headfirst into their passions. His authenticity, humility, and willingness to share his knowledge has touched the lives of people from all walks of life, proving that when passion meets dedication, greatness is within reach.

Today, twenty years ago Akin started blogging and with this blog I write, I would like to express gratitude for the inspiration he brings into our lives.

Akin, here's to celebrating many more years of your work that emanates passion, dedication, and exceptionalism.

Congratulations, my lover, my partner, and my very best friend on your incredible accomplishments!