Growing up, I did not really have a relationship with my dad, and looking back, I sometimes think our family had its own natural structure. The first two were boys, and they seemed to get along. The next two were girls, and they paired up perfectly. And then there was me. I didn't fit neatly with either group. Perhaps that is why, from a young age, I learned to make sure my voice was heard, and sometimes, at all costs.
My dad was present, but somehow so very distant from me. He
had time for my two other brothers in ways I noticed, even when time left little for anything else. I remember feeling like a stranger
within my own family.
When you grow up feeling like you do not quite belong, you
learn to retreat into yourself. You become your own company. You learn to keep
certain things inside because explaining yourself can feel harder
than simply remaining silent, but life has a way of teaching us.
I am older now, and I believe I know better. I know myself
better. I know what I believe, what I value, what I can live with and, perhaps
more importantly, what I cannot.
Life has certainly not been a walk in the park. There have
been moments that have tested me, humbled me, and forced me to become stronger
than I thought I could be, and somewhere along the way, I learned something, that my life is mine to live.
The choices I make are mine.
That does not mean I am always
right, or that I cannot listen and learn.
There is a difference between
genuine concern and someone trying to rewrite a reality they do not live. Sometimes, messages arrive from people
you cannot identify, carrying stories about people and situations they know
very little about, and it is tempting to react, and question or allow doubt to take
root. But I have learned that not every voice deserves a place in our lives.
Respect goes a long way
Some connections between two people belong to those two
people.
They deserve trust, privacy, and the freedom to find their own way without
outside interference, and I will not live my life according to whispers.
I have spent enough of my life trying to find where I fit, and I am finally learning that I do not need to fit into someone's idea of
who I should be.
I know who I am. I know what I value. And I know the people
I choose to walk this journey with.
That should be enough.
